Beauty?

For the first of my thoughts, I’d like to talk about something more personal and hope it can relate to you. It has to do with the perception of beauty.


I noticed that when I look at the girl I like, she just... glows in my vision. Her eyes sparkle, and I can’t pull away (at least not until I realize what I’m doing and I get embarrassed). Even when she got her new haircut and looked awful, I found that I eventually started to like her physical appearance just as much as her old one.

Does love blind? Because my other friends have agreed that she doesn’t look as great as before, but it’s not like she’s ugly either. My opinion gradually changed over time, and as I came to see her more, she simply seemed to get more and more attractive, especially as I got to talk with her this year more than I ever got to in the past (including all 7 years we’ve known one another). 

Maybe it has more to do with this emotional connection than anything else. We’ve never had so many classes together before (and by “so many”, I mean 2), and it’s a new experience to be able to talk with her every day for 50 or so minutes. So we’ll see. Certainly, things might become more clear as second semester approaches and I’m not in any of her classes anymore. 

Meh.

The City, the Mountain, the Stars, and the Booze

“You ever think this is all for nothing?” she asked.

“What? What’s all for nothing?” He turned his body on the grass and looked at her.

“Everything. Getting an education, finding a job, making money, living...” She gestured at the city below, vodka bottle swishing in hand. They were a good distance away from the reaches of society, but the city lights were still bright, and she squinted.

“Shit, man. You dragged me up the mountain to talk about this?”

“Nah. Wanted to get out of the city, off the campus, mostly,” she softly stated. Trying to see if she could see individual people from her spot, she gave up and took a swig. They weren’t too far out, but they had driven fifteen minutes and hiked another two hours to reach their spot on the side of the mountain. It was part of the public trail, but no one ever made use of the plateau they claimed. City people were too damn lazy.

“If that’s all you wanted, then we should’ve joined the boys and hit the club where they serve real drinks.” He pointedly swished his bottle of vodka and tilted his head back for a large gulp. His lips left the bottle with a smack and a sigh. “Burns real good. Damn.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Which club? Strip? Or the dancing kind?”

“Both. Could’ve hit both tonight, man,” he laughed, winking. “But I know you gave that kind of thing up, right? No more partying hard, picking up chicks, waking up on the other side of campus...”

She turned her eyes away and focused them on the tallest tower of the city, saying nothing and letting the silence stretch on. He grunted and shut himself up, knowing she would respond in time. Drink swishing in hand, he bided his time and let himself drink until he felt his limit approaching.

“Hey, ease off. I didn’t bring you out here to waste my stash and get smashed.” She snatched the bottle out of his hand and put the lid back on. Shrugging, swaying, he laid back on the grass and gazed at the black sky.

“You ever miss the stars?” he asked. Glad that his words weren’t slurring yet, he felt confident enough to look at his companion again.

“Are we ever going to answer each other’s questions?” she responded. Still, she leaned back and gazed with him. “Yeah, I miss them. I don’t miss home, though.”

“With good reason.”

“Yeah.”

“Yup.”

Listening to silence, they laid there. It was getting cold out, and everything was either dying or dead, so they didn’t have to worry about bugs or living creatures. Kept the drinks cool, too. She opened her mouth and breathed, watching white steam escape into the sky.

“This whole ‘all for nothing’ thing... Is accounting really that bad?” he prodded. If it is, he thought, then you really should have said something all those years ago before you started your senior year of college.

“Nah.” She closed her eyes.

“Then what is it?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she answered, “Forget it. Nevermind.”

“You can’t tell me to forget it if you bring it up in the first place,” he shot back. She remained mute, so he sat up, the world swimming in his vision as he did so. “Damn, girl, if you are just going to bullshit me all night, I am going home and leaving you here to walk back.”

“You’re welcome to try.” Confused, he watched her sit up, reach into her pocket, and pull out the keys, dangling them in front of his face. He reached for them. She quickly moved them out of reach.

“Don’t make me fight you.” He glared.

“You wouldn’t, and we both know it.” She smiled, the first time that night, and he scoffed.

“This childhood friend thing sucks.”

“Yeah, but it works out for the both of us, doesn’t it?”

They simultaneously sighed, glared at one another, and burst out laughing.

“Remember how everyone at school thought we were siblings before we told them our last names?” he chuckled.

“And then when we did tell them, they didn’t believe us.” They snickered together some more and talked of old times again, remembering the gas station they used to buy slushies at, the gaming store they first obtained their addiction in, the social studies teacher they hated in sixth grade, people they used to know and how he was convinced that Santa Claus was real...

Tension had vanished for a moment, and although they eventually slipped back into silence, they remained at ease. She set her bottle of vodka down and capped it up, rolling it toward her backpack and returning to her position on the ground. If she looked hard enough, she could see the stars. At least, she thought she did.

By memory, she could try and find the constellations even without seeing the bright lights in the black sky, and she attempted to do so. They faced west from their position, and armed with only that knowledge, she mentally mapped out Orion, Altair, Virgo...

They had laid there for so long that he was about to slip off to sleep. Her voice, however, pierced through the quiet and shook him back awake. “Hey... About before.”

“Yeah?” he sleepily muttered.

“I’m sorry. I... I’m a little... down on life.”

“I noticed.” He opened one eye and sniffled. “What’s got you down? Missing the booze and sex?” She laughed softly, and he knew she appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood.

“Maybe.” She glanced shyly at him and rubbed her nose. Surprised, he blinked.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“I mean... Okay, that didn’t come out right.”

“And the way it was supposed to come out was...?”

“I’m lonely,” she blurted out. Their eyes met, and he froze. Rubbing the back of her neck, she squeezed her eyes shut and groaned at the stars; he simply gaped without moving. “Is it that strange?”

“That you of all people are lonely? Someone call a medic ‘cause I am hallucinating,” he mumbled. After receiving a slap to the side of his head, he shut up.

“Damn it, take me seriously for once,” she growled.

“I always take you seriously. You’re the only person I know who hates her major and tries her best at it anyway, and I understood that you were never free enough to try your hand at a real relationship even if you wanted it,” he replied. “How’s that?”

“You’re right, of course,” she grudgingly accepted. He smirked, then his face fell.

“So what’s changed now?”

Nobody moved. The withered grass beneath their bodies stirred a tiny bit when a small breeze passed through. Then it was gone. In the distance, the sound of a wolf’s howl faintly rode the breeze and carried over to their ears. The call was mournful.

“I fell for someone. Hard,” she whispered. His forehead creased with concern.
“Are you telling me that you’re putting your major ahead of a potential girlfriend?” he asked, incredulous. She shook her head, and for that, small relief shuddered through his frame.

“It’s...”

He said nothing. Only turned his body to stare at her downturned face and grasped her shoulder firmly. His hand was warm.

“I saw her kissing a guy.” And the truth was out in a pained, raspy voice. Ice ran down his spine, and clarity cleaned the alcohol entirely out of his system.

“Oh. Oh, I am so sorry, girl,” he whispered back, wrapping her in a warm hug. He smelled like leather and booze, and the scent was comforting, more so than his whispered words and the hand patting her soothingly on the back. He had smelled like leather even back in first grade. Letting out a garbled laugh, she recalled that he insisted on wearing a tacky leather jacket at all times or, if it was summer, a leather vest.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” she sniffed, pushing him away so she could wipe her tears. “I should have known, you know? I really should’ve learned by now.” Her chuckle was pathetic, and he narrowed his eyes down at her.

“You know–”

“I do know. I know that I always fall for the people I can’t have, and that’s why I’ll always go back to the booze and the one night stands and forget it all.”

He said nothing. She stood up and stretched, gaze turning back toward the city. Even as late as it was, it teemed with life, and even from this distance, she could sense the life and depravity that echoed from every party, every club, and every bar. Wiping her eyes, she gave a wry smile and held a hand out. He took it and, with her help, joined her standing.

“Are you okay?” he asked. He was worried, that much she could tell. Shaking her head, she shrugged.

“As okay as I’ll ever be. I needed a cry,” she told him. Her voice cracked with the effort. “Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on.”

He gave her a small smile of his own and told her, “I’m here for you. Always. So don’t go giving me thanks now, you troublemaker. Save it for when you don’t need this shoulder to cry on anymore, and then we’ll start talking thanks.”

She owed him much more than simple thanks, but she swallowed her thoughts. They didn’t need that right now. All they needed was this. Their mountain, the city before them, the stars, and each other. And booze. Perhaps the booze, as well.

“There’s a lot of people in one city. Who knows? Maybe one of them will be Miss Perfect for you.”

Not giving any indication that she had heard, she picked her backpack and vodka up and began the long march down, her white breath escaping from her mouth with every few steps she took.

------

(Excuse any inaccuracies with the constellations. I have no idea what I'm talking about there.)

The Exile and the Sorcerer (Lyremouth Chronicles - Book 1)

The quest for the stolen chalice is a sham - her family's excuse to get rid of Tevi. Exiled in a dangerous and confusing world filled with monsters, bandits, and sorcerers, Tevi battles demons within and without as she searches for her place in the strange new world.
Jemeryl has her future planned out - a future that will involve minimal contact with ordinary folk who do not understand sorcerers. Her ambition is to lead a solitary life within the Coven and to devote herself to the study of magic. It is all very straightforward - until she meets Tevi.
Two unlikely allies join forces to defeat an insidious evil and on the journey find one another.

------

For a book I picked up without knowing anything about it, not even a summary, it was quite interesting. The title of the first chapter was “A bad joke”, and I didn’t know what to think. Was that implying something?

I quickly learned that the joke wasn’t on me. It was on the main character, the unfortunate, seriously depressed and zero-confident Tevi. (Yes, Tevi. Though I have seen far worse in the way of names, I was glad that the name was unique and short enough to remember.) The beginning half of the story was an introduction to the world and Tevi’s character, her plight, her growth and the loss of innocence. Quite standard in the way of fantasy, and I was pleased with the world Miss Fletcher, the author, created (more on this later in the spoilered section).

This is all I can say before the spoilers come in, so now I’ll begin with my ratings.

Plot: [5/10]

Why? Because most of this book is world-building and character-building. Due to the fact that this is the first book in a series, it isn’t surprising. It does seem to drag on when the plot seems to be going nowhere and nothing really drives Tevi beyond self-preservation. However, the plot kicks in near the last quarter of the book, and I feel that that wasn’t the best move on the author’s part. It was there from the beginning, and it was foreshadowed in a way, but it feels weak when compared to other novels out there.

Characters/Characterization: [8/10]

Tevi’s growth was handled quite well, and from the start, she was a character I could relate to. She might bother people who have never had the same problems as her, but I feel that she accurately represents those of us who are homosexuals and live in a world that condemns our “choice”. I can’t really talk about the other important main character, who doesn’t even show up until the second half of the book, without spoilers (although the character can’t be that hard to guess with the title being The Exile and the Sorcerer). Rest assured, most characters seem to be an accurate reflection on the society they live in and how their society reflects ours.

Prose/Writing Style/POV: [7/10]

First off, I do want to say that I saw several grammatical errors and sentences that seemed to miss a word or two. I saw quite the error with a “>” in front of a sentence at one point. I don’t know if this was due to the version I read, but... Hopefully that is the case. Regardless, that doesn’t affect this grading.
The POV is Third-Person Limited, switching from Tevi to other characters at times, but the focus is still mainly on her. This breaks the flow of the story at some points, and although it greatly annoyed myself at the time, I have come to understand the purposes behind the POV switches. They are bearable and not overused.
As to the style of writing, it works. The majority of the book is spent in subject-verb sentences, and this is quite common with the fantasy genre dealing with swords, fighting, magic, etc. The descriptions are definitely nearer to the higher end of the scale compared to other works I’ve read in the genre (and by genre, I mean fantasy lesbian fiction), so that was a plus.

Final Verdict? [6.5/10] - Worth a Read

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. It lulled at times, but I loved Tevi as a main character and the small bits of humor thrown here and there throughout the novel. The character growth was handled quite well, and although some people seem to be cast off without a second thought, I’m sure they’ll reappear in one of the later books. Overall, nice experience. I would have liked to see the plot more structured, but for all intents and purposes, Miss Fletcher made the story move along somehow. The only other big problem was the romance, but more on that below.

----Spoilers Ahoy!---- (I shall assume you have already read the book, so characters will be mentioned, and sometimes I will not clarify who they are to people who have not read)

Ah, the beginning had me fooled. I read the first page and thought to myself, “Oh god, not another story with tribes and tomfoolery between villages and simpletons”. The first pieces of dialogue pointed everything in that direction, courtesy of Laff, Tevi’s bitter sister (who we aren’t supposed to like, but I knew better than to judge her for what she appeared to be... Typical character ploy made by authors).

Thank goodness that all changed when Brec, the childhood friend and crush, and Tevi’s “family” kicked her out. That scene hit too close to home for me, and I’m sure it will (or has) reminded others of their own similar situations. It was handled well, all things considered, and I think that was what Miss Fletcher intended with that scene: sympathy and empathy. I was pleased that Brec appeared to have been forced, quite against her will, to “out” Tevi, so to speak. No unnecessary bitchery (ahem) was afoot.

(In retrospect, having read the book in its entirety, I have the feeling that the readers will laugh once Tevi inevitably returns to her homeland and shoves her newfound badassery in their faces. Of course, I could be wrong, seeing as the rest of the series is already published, but I digress.)

For all their gripes about Tevi and her weakness, for she was pretty much the runt of the litter in her tribe, the author gave reasonable explanations later in the book to explain that Tevi may not be as worthless as she originally thought. It is always a good move on the author’s part to start the main character off in a position of low power and have them grow and become wiser and stronger, and this takes the twist of “you were always strong, just handicapped”. Getting ahead of myself, but I want to make the connection here. The discrimination Tevi experienced humbled her even further, and that is part of the reason why I cannot get mad at her magical strength over all others in the world beyond her home, although it seems to make her entirely too powerful at times.

Before anyone says anything, yes, she lost her eyesight because of her encounter with a basilisk. She lost it because she was curious and foolish, and even then, her eyesight was restored, better than before. So shush. She is overpowered at the moment. (And to that point, I did like how the author revealed Tevi’s eye color in such a manner).

Miss Fletcher creates two worlds for Tevi to live in, the first of which is her place of birth, an island where your blood determines your place in the hierarchy and homosexual behavior is strictly prohibited and punishable by death. Similar to our own world, hetersexual sex runs rampant throughout the colony and the impression is that pretty much every girl is very... “loose”, shall we say. I see this world as a reflection of the past, where kings and queens did rule, homosexuals were put to death, and people did not seriously consider the consequences of their sexual behaviors (*coughAIDScough*).

On the flipside, the mainland that Tevi travels to is governed by a system that takes into account ability and disregards all ties to blood. From the first family that Tevi travels with, we learn that children are expected to make their own livelihood, that they cannot depend on an inheritance. The government is comprised of the Coven, the elite of the sorcerers in the land, whose abilities are the product of their own work. Homosexual behavior is seen as normal, and to think otherwise is very alien, as seen by the difficult time that Jemeryl had when she tried to understand why Tevi was so “homophobic”. I believe this is Miss Fletcher’s vision of the direction our world should take, so this is a reflection of the future.

Before we touch romance, I want to comment on Tevi’s inability to differentiate between genders on the mainland. Is this another way that Miss Fletcher is saying how the way we dress and the way we act should not define our genders?

But of course, this is all my mad opinion.

Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for... romance. Oh god. I had the horrible fear that Brec would be the eventual romance, but as time went on, that became less and less likely, and then Cayell came along and I almost punched Tevi through my computer screen for her idiocy in that failed relationship. I sincerely hope that Miss Fletcher patches things up between the two someday. By then, I was done expecting a decent relationship development.

Then Tevi took that trip up to the mountains and met the crazy sorcerer. Their initial meeting was... nothing special. Nothing jumped out. Tevi was blind and not really attracted to the person that was supposed to save her eyesight. Jemeryl was very attracted to Tevi immediately, but how are the readers supposed to connect with a character they had hardly met 20 pages before?

Their relationship seemed to develop further and further along, but I was sorely disappointed when they jumped straight to sex, what, 10 or so days after meeting? Granted, the sexual tension was there from the start, but there was no build up. For novels that span over three or so books, the relationship shouldn’t culminate in the span of 50 pages. Take your time, Fletcher! You have book space to work with! I do understand that she might’ve wanted the relationship to be there before the second book started, but it would have been great to tease the readers and end the first book with only a kiss. There’s nothing left to look forward to if they sex it up immediately.

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddd...

That is all, folks. That is all.

---

As an end note, I would like to put a disclaimer that this is all my opinion. Feel free to agree or disagree, let me know, yadda yadda. I plan on reading more of the series and finishing it, unless one book leaves me so disgusted or bored that I can’t get through it all.

Vanui out.

Purchase here: at amazon

Welcome!

So with the start of this blog, I'd like to lay down the ground rules. As the title states, this is where I, Vanui, shall write.

That is all.

As for the content of my writing, they shall consist of a few things:

1) My personal thoughts and feelings, mostly introspective about the state of the world and whatever strikes my fancy. These shall not be that common.

2) Short stories that come to my mind, stories that will almost always involve some girl and girl loving.

3) Reviews of anime, manga, books, TV shows, movies, etc. that relate to girl and girl topics. These are meant to serve as a basis for others interested in yuri/lesbian material and are looking for recommendations and warnings for what to read and what not to read.

The reviews shall be based on a few things that may or may not change as time moves on.

I shall rate book material on these things: plot, characters/characterization, prose/writing style/POV, and how it stands up to other similar materials in its genre. I will give a spoiler-free portion and a portion with spoilers. Both will have my own personal thoughts and feelings.

From there, it shall be categorized into must read, worth a read, and read only for self-torture.

That is all, folks. That is all.