So here's what happened today...

This is... less thoughts and more of a post to the world about my life, but... Eh, maybe you all will derive some amusement from my day.

Let us begin with me going to the mall to buy Christmas gifts for my families and, of course, with the motive of seeing the girl I love (let's call her Green). It was convenient that she works the Santa photo visit thing in the mall for a job, and so I decided, "Hey, why not go give her some company. I know I sure as hell get bored at my job."

Here's some back-story: I've been in love with Green for 6 years. I've confessed already, and she's straight, so by all means, I should move on. My heart is stubborn and refuses to change, though, no matter how badly I want it to.

I tell you this because I ended up talking with her a lot longer than I should have. I'd go shop, get some stuff, stop by, chat for some amount of minutes, then go back to shopping. I did this until I had most of my shopping done, and then she still had an hour left of work. After picking up some stuff at Spencer's (nothing dirty, you pervs), I spent my last hour there with her at the Santa station.

Me, being me, jokingly joked about sitting in Santa's lap, even though I am well above the age that people should be for doing such things. Green told me to go for it. Then I told her I didn't really have anything to wish for. She still told me to go for it. I then thought of a wish and told her so, but I still didn't want to do it. She asked me what my wish was, and I couldn't tell her, but she went ahead and kept encouraging me to go for it.

Under her smile, I caved. Blushing like an idiot, embarrassed beyond embarrassed, I stood in line with kids a quarter of my size. The employee managing the line (Green was working the cash register) eyed me before asking me whether or not I wanted to take a picture or simply chat with Santa. She had seen me throughout the entire 4 hours I spent at the mall, and I knew she thought I was strange.

Still, Green smiled brightly and encouragingly over at the register, and I persevered.

"Just a chat," I said.

Finally, it was my turn. I awkwardly tried to sit to the side of Santa so I wouldn't crush him under my weight, but he chuckled and told me, "No no no, lad! You get to sit on Santa's lap!" So I did. I sat down, amused that he thought I was a guy (I'm androgynous, if I do think so myself). We exchanged pleasantries like two normal people. "Hello! How are you?" "I'm fine. How about you?" "Pretty good! Pretty good!" It was strange since I was sitting on his lap.

Eventually, I said, "Alright, I'll keep this quick since I know I'm heavy."

Santa looked at me curiously.

"I've been in love with someone I can't have. And... And it's been 6 years. All I wish for is... i-is for it to go away. "

"It's been what?" he asked. I was speaking too softly, I realized, deathly afraid that Green could hear us. I repeated my words and he made a noise of understanding. "Ah. How old are you?"

"17," I replied.

"Wow. Since you were 11, huh."

"Yup."

"So what's stopping you two from being together?" he asked me curiously. This made me pause. He thought I was a guy, but... I bit my lip, thought for a moment, and told him a vague, but true, answer.

"Many things. Things I can't control," I told Santa. He nodded. His eyes scrunched up a bit underneath the white fluffy fringe of his red hat, and he thought for a moment, struggling to come up with words. I was starting to get disappointed (what was I expecting in the first place? I don't know) when he spoke.

"Sometimes," he began, "relationships aren't meant to be. And then all you can do is move forward. Let time do the rest. Time heals all wounds." I looked at him. It seemed to be ordinary advice. Cliche. But it was true. I wasn't as disappointed as I was mere seconds ago, but I still wanted more. However, he had more to say. "When my mother died from cancer, I couldn't believe it for about 3 months. Sometimes I still feel like she's around. But, eventually, little by little, I got better, and well... That's how life goes. You just got to keep moving on."

From my close proximity, I could see that his eyes were red, and I felt a little guilty for somehow bringing up painful memories for him. It made me swallow thickly, and all I could concentrate on was Santa's watering eyes.

"If you two can't be together, then all you can do is let her go. Seperate," he gently told me. I nodded. I understood completely. It was what I had been hearing from my close friends thoughout the past 6 years, and although it was the same advice, it was somehow liberating to hear it from Santa, a man who was just as ordinary as I, thrust into a position of giving little children happiness and inspiring happiness even when his own situation was probably worse than the spoiled children he saw. His next few words earned my complete respect. "If you two were ever meant to be, she'll come back to you. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't."

"You're right," I said. "Completely. I understand. Thank you, Santa. Thank you." By this point, my voice was weak and shaky and I couldn't trust myself to say much more than thank you. I knew I had already talked too long, so I made my way out.

"Stay safe and out of trouble! No violence!" he hollered at me. I managed a small smile and wave and turned.

"Thanks, Santa."

"Hey!" Green shouted at me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. For a brief second, I thought she had heard every word I had spoke to Santa, but then: "You forgot your sticker!"

"Sticker?" I asked, confused and somehow relieved.

"For talking with Santa."

Laughing, I walked back and picked one up from the basket. I made my way over to her. "Better?" I peeled the sticker off and stuck it on her uniform. She smiled brightly at me, and my heart was racing from the combined stress of what I had done and how pretty she was even in such an ugly black apron.

Once she had adjusted the sticker elsewhere, she looked at me curiously. I raised an eyebrow back at her. "What did you talk with Santa about? You were there for a while."

"I can't tell you," I told her. She stared at me, and I felt like she had a notion of what I was talking with Santa about. But whether or not she knew I was talking about her in particular was a fact up for grabs. "I... It was interesting. You were right. This Santa's good."

I stayed with her for half an hour more, chatting about nothing and everything, both of us dead tired and me watching her back when she had to work. I thought she was brilliant when she acted so confident with the costumers and was so business like.

I felt Santa's eyes on me at times, and I wondered if he had figured out who I was talking about. For all  he knew, though, it could've been someone else. But if he guessed that it was Green, then he was truly the wisest Santa I've ever met.